The old man, a tree and birds

 Here is a little tale to bring to you.  It’s about an old man, a tree in his backyard and visits of birds.  

The man is not quite ancient although his hairline is receding with what hair he has graying and thin.   He is slightly bent, walks with a limp at times, coughs once in awhile and sends out loud sneezes without warnings, that make you jump sky high.  Some call him a curmudgeon.   But, his family thinks he’s loveable.  The  old man is fighting a battle in his own backyard. 

The tree is quite lovely—reaching over rooflines, sending out branches of pear shaped leaves—it is perfectly fashioned as an open umbrella. It provides shade morning and afternoon—it is a welcome sight for those to rest on the hammock strung from its base. Breezes blow gently,  rustling noises abound—ahh, so peaceful.  

.. in all the life span of the tree, it had remained a symbol of nature in the old man’s backyard until one morning the old man woke to the sound of hundreds of chirping birds! Sure, that sound is nice to hear upon waking—but, do the birds need to perch and roost in his tree?  The old man thought of all the surrounding trees—why his beautiful tree in his backyard?  What made this one tree inviting?  Why are the birds holding a convention with a host of thousands in his tree? 

Sure, friends said birds need to roost somewhere to wake you in the morning.  They never give a thought how birds leave their droppings all over the old man’s backyard, patio and deck.  Then the visiting dog rolls through the grass to pick up that stinky smell of chirping birds. 

The old man has declared war on the birds! He didn’t want to harm the birds, he just wanted them to move to another tree not in his yard.   First, he figured he’d shoot a blast of water from the hose into the inner most branches of the lovely tree.  That worked and hundreds of birds would fly out to sit on rooftops and survey the old man’s actions.  the old man needed to do his water blasting every evening and morning—he is an old man after all and sometimes he’d forget in the evening; so next morning there were the chirping birds, leaving their droppings all over the old man’s outdoor furniture. 

Off he goes to do research on how to repel the birds from his lovely tree and rid his backyard of falling poop.  Ahh, he found that birds don’t like peppermint—so he says to his wise wife—“I’m going to soak cotton balls with peppermint and sling the balls into the tree—that should do the trick”. He was quite proud of his solution. 

The wise all knowing wife said, “first off, how are you going to throw cotton balls up that high? And what if a wind comes up, which happens often, to blow out the cotton balls?  We’d have white cotton balls all over the backyard.”  The old man considered this—then said, “I’ll forget that idea—I’ll use my sprayer to shoot the peppermint up in the tree”—so off, he went off to stream the concoction into the branches.  Just like that, a wind sent the spray back into his face and he smelled like peppermint for hours.  Certainly repelled birds and anything else from the old man.  

What now?  The birds are still there morning and night.  More research the old man said.  Ahh, small birds don’t like big birds!  He bought a big bird kite that he installed near the tree.  The old man was quite proud of himself!  The big bird kite soars over the tree, scaring off the little birds—the tree still stands quietly for the time being.  Now, the old man has another problem—the old man’s neighbors have a dog, which barks at the big soaring bird!